The Subtle Balance Between “Controlling” And “Allowing”

quasi here and in this video i want to
share with you the concept of allowing
versus controlling
and when to do what and why you find
that you always put so much work in but
you’re not getting
the appropriate rewards from it and by
the end of this video i’m going to share
with you
three solutions that have helped me
personally get to a point of effortless
action
where every single thing i do actually
leads to great results
and you know i start to do take minimal
effort
and focus more on being and every single
action that comes out of it
becomes very very effective my wish for
you by the end of this video is to get
to that point in your internal state
where you don’t have to struggle and
just
act for the sake of acting but actually
get what you want
and be able to maintain it okay so i
want you to stick around to the very end
of this video because i do think the
nuance points that we’re going to
discuss in this
are going to be very very crucial for
you so with that let’s get started
now let’s talk about this concept of
controlling versus allowing
when most people set about you know
going towards a goal
what usually happens is we try to
control
every little thing that leads to the
goal so to give an example when i set
that goal for 20k a month
i reverse engineered it and i was like
okay well i need to do 5k
every single month every single week to
get to a 20k month
simple and then one week i’ll do 5k and
i’m like everything’s going well
next week i’d do 2k and i’d start
panicking like oh no i’m not on track to
hitting my goals oh oh oh
and then that panic actually puts me
into a
sort of like a terrible mental state a
terrible internal state which then
brings about
more of you know the things that i don’t
want in my life
right so now let’s understand why this
happens
the universe naturally tends to more and
more disorder and entropy
so if you look at everything if you
spray perfume in a room it’ll just
dissipate into the environment and
every single system every single process
wants to lead to more and more entropy
and disorder in the system
however within this entropy there can be
periods and pockets
of order now what we do is we set too
many goals that start to conflict each
other
when life takes a certain path towards a
goal
it will always choose the path that’s of
least resistance so to give an example
if you have a goal of getting to 20k a
month
life will deliver you that goal but it
will deliver it to you in its own way
which is the path of least resistance
which expends the least energy and
creates the most entropy
that’s what life wants to do you know
just like human beings
we’re lazy creatures we don’t want to
expend more energy getting to the goal
than necessary so life won’t do that
either now we don’t know what life’s
plan is
that’s why we keep fretting on our own
plans of how we want the goal to be
achieved
so to give you that same example back
you want to get to 20k a month you’ve
identified you need to do 5k a week
your plan is do 5k 5k 5k 5k
life’s plan universe’s plan is do 5k
take you to 2k
do 8k the next week and then do whatever
remains
right so you don’t know how
it is you can get to your goals but you
get attached to it you set multiple
goals
now you’re setting two goals right
you’re like 20k a month and then 5k a
week
these both of these things have to
happen so now when
one happens and the other doesn’t happen
it just it creates
you know a sort of conflict within you
which then
makes more and more of the negative the
unwanted undesirable outcome manifest
for you
and that becomes the biggest problem so
why that actually happens and why
controlling actually makes you
bring in more of your undesirable
outcome is simply because
when you try to control things
you focus more more of your attention
is directed towards what you don’t want
rather than what you do want so to give
an example when you hit 5k that first
week and you go down to 2k and you start
panicking now your focus has shifted
from
okay get to 20k a month two oh no i’m
not going to hit 20k a month try to fix
this try to fix that
so this action and everything that you
do is coming from a place of
oh no i’m not on track it’s not
happening
so now the focus is on it’s not
happening it’s not going to happen
come on fix this fix this so this
resistance and this control
will create a focus on the downsides
rather than what is
actually wanted on the flip side of it
we try to allow things right we’re like
okay well don’t try to control
when you learn about this stuff you’re
like okay don’t try to control just
surrender just allow
and while that’s good that’s fantastic
sometimes people get carried away with
it to the point where they can’t put in
the work
right they just start to escape the work
too much and they can’t put it in and
they’re like oh i’m not doing
enough
i’m just sitting on the beach sipping
pina coladas right
and that too can become a problem
for most people that isn’t the problem
for most people it’s like i’m taking too
much action
and then some people are just like i’m
procrastinating too much
right so they’re really the same side of
the two different sides of the same coin
so let’s talk about whether you should
and when you should
control versus allow and what the real
solution is
if you become too controlling you start
to resist life if you start to become
too allowing now you can’t
take what’s yours you’re just letting it
fly through your fingers because you’re
not acting on it
right the most effective thing that i
found to do is neither controlling or
allowing
but actually directing your reality the
solution is to direct
your reality what do i mean by that in
life eighty percent of things will go
your way but you keep hampering on the
twenty percent that doesn’t go your way
so if you look at your life right now
you’ll see that
about 80 has gone the way that you
wanted to you know maybe you
are in a good place right now you have
food you have shelter that’s great
but then you keep focusing on okay what
hasn’t happened what do i want next what
do i want
but this still comes from a place of
resistance of oh i don’t want this i
don’t want
i keep trying but i’m failing right so
you need to get acutely aware of that
so directing reality is
the balance between controlling and
allowing
it’s beyond both right when you direct
something
what happens is you accept what’s
happening right now as
feedback and then you choose
you channel that into what you actually
do on it’s kind of like
judo there’s this concept in judo where
you absorb
the punch and the the hits of your
opponent and then you channel it back to
the opponent
you sort of channel what the opponent
the energy the opponent is giving you
back to them so just like that in life
the sweet spot to achieving your goals
is
accepting what’s coming right now and
redirecting
that energy back into what you do want
does that make sense
when you do this it becomes infinitely
easier
and you don’t have to exert as much
energy taking action
let me give you an example of when i you
know
how i do accept and redirect
so if you’re an entrepreneur and you do
like
sales and on the sales call what happens
is
you start to get very when you start off
at least you get very very in your own
head and you’re like what’s the next
thing i can say to get the sale
instead of focusing on the person the
problem
and how you can help them right so you
start to talk
too much and then you start to like
interrupt the prospect
that’s you trying being very controlling
how you redirect in that case is you
just simply ask
questions to the prospect right and you
listen
and you use what they’re saying back to
them
and you reframe it back to them when
they say oh i’m struggling with this
this and this
how long have you been struggling with
this oh i’ve been struggling with this
for this long what have you tried to do
to fix
this you know why hasn’t it worked what
are you looking for here
then you can use all of those back at
them right you can channel all of that
energy back at them by saying okay so
you’ve mentioned to me that you’ve done
this this and this and this hasn’t
worked
well this is how i can help you do you
see what i mean i know this is getting
kind of nuanced but if you’re an
entrepreneur if you do sales you’ll
probably understand what i’m talking
about
but in every single area of your life
this is applicable
you can use what’s already there accept
it
and redirect it instead of just trying
to like
create and generate force out of your
own will it’s already there you just
need to channel that energy
energy can’t be created or destroyed it
can only be channeled
okay so i hope that made sense
and that was actually the first solution
but let’s get to solutions
the three basic solutions on how you can
become more redirecting and
get out of that need for controlling or
becoming too allowing
so solution number one is as i mentioned
accept and redirect right we talked
about that
that’s the general principle another
thing that inevitably happens
is whenever you set that goal of 20k a
month
you set that process of i need to get to
5k a week in order to get to that 20k
month
but then you become too attached to that
5k week instead of understanding that
everything is optimizing for 20k a month
even if you do that 2k a week
it still might be optimizing for 20k a
month even if you don’t hit 20k this
month
you’re still learning the lessons that
you need to learn in order to hit 20k in
the next month
so what we don’t understand is our
limited minds
are limited they’re not in sync with the
universal mind
of what life wants to teach us right if
you have this underlying belief and
faith of life is taking care of me it’s
giving me the lessons that i need to
learn in order to become better
then your life will be much more
peaceful right it’ll be much more
it’ll be much easier to achieve your
goals because you can’t achieve your
goals from a place of
the universe is out to get me everyone’s
out to get me everyone wants something
that i have
that kind of thinking will serve nobody
so
this brings me to solution number two
which is goal first
and then process focus first on the goal
and then the process if the process
isn’t working
let go of the process for now focus on
the goal if the goal isn’t working for
this month
don’t change the goal set it for the
next month keep it going
keep persisting on that same goal and
have that one pointed focus
until you achieve it okay i see a lot of
people who
set like a goal of 20k a month and when
they don’t hit it they’re like okay i’ll
just try to hit like 15k
oh man i didn’t hit 15k i’ll just try to
go to 10k no keep
persisting at that 20k a month go it
will happen you just need to be patient
you just need to persist that’s number
two
number three is a more tactical solution
to this that i’ve used and i’ve found
benefit in
it’s called p p on it plan execute
evaluate
what i mean by this is you
set a plan for an action plan for what
you want to accomplish throughout a
certain month
or a certain quarter or a year even you
know you set this plan
and then you act according to that plan
you execute
and then at the end you evaluate how
what results you’ve gotten out of that
plan
the biggest problem i see with most
people is they keep jumping from one
thing to the next
you know they have shiny object syndrome
most entrepreneurs do i’ve been doing
youtube videos for like
a year and a half before i decided to
get into ads to get clients
right and
i did youtube videos and i still do
youtube videos
and i’ve focused on that i’ve made that
my bread and butter right because i know
that
i can milk it a lot more before jumping
onto the next
channel and the next like platform
instead of going to clubhouse or
linkedin or facebook
even though we do have facebook but i
don’t focus on that mainly right
so when you plan
execute and evaluate what you’re doing
is you’re giving yourself a certain
period that you’re committing to a
certain
action instead of being reactive you now
become
proactive you say to yourself from this
month or this quarter i’m going to focus
on this outreach strategy or making
youtube videos to get clients or
reaching out to x amount of people per
day
and then at the end of that period you
evaluate and you set a plan for the next
um quarter or month i found this to be
immensely valuable because it
allows you to stay focused on the task
at hand instead of jumping around
whenever you receive feedback just write
it down and it’s things to consider for
next time but when you’re executing
focus on executing don’t jump around
into into the next thing and
the next thing okay so
with that i conclude this video i
sincerely hope this was helpful
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guys i do hope this video was helpful
for you i thought
you’d enjoy this view as well i don’t
usually do videos out here a lot more
and yeah i’ll see you guys next time
peace